It’s like the last 20 minutes, so that’s not a big deal. I figure I’ll sit here and write up a blog entry, make myself look productive, and then be able to go home. woo.

I’ve found my doodling skills to have improved tremendously since I started working here. It’s a little insane, really. I still can’t do people - people are so difficult…but I do objects and creatures and stuff pretty well. and I’ve been doing really interesting things with shadows lately.

…I started trying to draw a bowl of fruit on a table to play with shadows and light….it then, somehow, turned into a banana, an orange, and a pear on a ship, speeding across the ocean >_<;
Not sure where they were going...it was in a space surrounded by a picture of flowers in on a table (more shadow play) and a calendar I was trying to organize my workload with...So I'd say they're heading towards Wednesday...
Though, I think the calendar was listing dates from the past, so they're heading to like...2 Wednesdays ago.
Musta been a Time Ship..

I have this idea of taking all the doodles from work and posting them... that could be fun. That might be just the thing I've been looking to do to my blog actually =O

Also, I have this theory that the soul crushingly unimaginative environment is squeezing the creative juices out of me...my writing is improved, my drawing is exponentially..it's like...the universe is trying to show me I have all this talent being wasted here....

Not that it's, of course, showing me where I ought apply it..no, that'd be too much >=|

Well, last night I spent a good deal of time chatting with some people around town. Yes, I broke down and went back to the chat. -_-; I told myself I would stay out because I wanted to show myself that there was more than just chat.

So much for that.

lol - anyway, I met several people…talked the night away..had a good time *nods and shrugs* *sighs* Still not sure why I don’t feel better about it.

But anyway, that’s that =O …and it’s 10 til, so I’m going to start “packing up” …*waves* Laterz

I’ve since gone to work, and I’m taking a moment at work to write this. I tend to do amost of my blog writing from work, anymore. I don’t think about it at home…and I just take the time while here to do the deep introspective thought that I do. Of course, I spent a good deal of the weekend doing the same thing. I severely blame the Dark Moon…but even the Moon only has so much control. It’s all in here - it’s all thoughts that I have and feelings I feel - it’s just the time of the Dark Moon that brings them to the surface, I suppose.

All in all, I just feel the weight of mistake heavy on my shoulders.
I recall the same feeling when I worked at McDonald’s for that day…and the week or so when I worked for Gloria at the golf course. It’s this feeling that I’ve made a poor choice where nothing is quite how I want it. I am….discontent.

It may well be the system…I feel heavily encumbered by it…entrenched in it. I wake up, I go to work, I go home. Day in, day out. And, adding to that, the fact that the work that I do isn’t really enjoyable.

…

I feel as though I’ve complained about this before…many many times before in many different places and ways. I’m sure if I were to look into past entries, I will find these very sentiments expressed before…
Maybe that’s why I stopped blogging - I really don’t have anything new to say. Everything’s rehash of everything I’ve ever said before. Nothing’s new or different…it’s all the same.

I’ve noticed this in everything, lately. Television, movies, video games…life. Everything’s just the same…I can’t find anything new. I’ve seen and experienced so much…real experience…virtual experience….vicarious experience. I am bombarded by redundancy.

I’m just bored with everything. Bored with life.

Again, I’m sure I’ve said this before…or some variation of it.

“What do you do for fun?” … There is no “fun”…only misdirection from boredom.
Happiness is merely an illusory distraction from sadness.

I woke up this morning.
Unfortunate, that.

Last time I said anything I talked about the limitations of the eye…and WotLK release.
Right. Well…WotLK was released…I made Dyskord, my Death Knight. She’s 80 now. That’s about it as far as that..lol

In other news, I’m just generally disgruntled with the system. We pay money to buy things, that money goes to companies, companies use the money to pay people to make things…or pay for stuff that makes things..that money goes to companies who pay other people.

The flow of money…where does it all go? >_<; I mean...it's a completely closed system. There isn't some sort of magical place where all the money goes...it eventually has to go somewhere. I just don't understand where...I mean, even the "rich" have to pay for stuff. In fact, they pay a lot for stuff. That money goes to companies for making more of the stuff...etc...

...Where does it go?!

...*sighs* that was what struck me last night. It's just kind of bizarre. Everyone keeps talking about the economy and all that..and I think it's really just a sham. Making a video game reference, World of Warcraft's economy is interesting because, it's like our own, however when gold is paid to NPCs for services or whatever, that gold LEAVES the system. That gold doesn't go to anyone..or go anywhere. It's just gone.

But, as far as I know, the world isn't an MMO. I mean, it might be...but *shrugs*. The money has to go somewhere... It pools at certain people...people who save..."rich" people... but even the rich buy things, as I mentioned before....

I'm getting redundant...it's just baffling.

I've also decided I want a new job. I'm really not sure what it is...but I'm not feeling...fulfilled, I guess.
Working for Joyce, I always felt like I had purpose...and like my presence was meaningful. During the summer, I felt like everything I did made a difference. I was helping people get their rooms - I was processing payments and reservations to be sure that everyone who was coming for CUSTOMS was able to do so. It all just made sense, and I felt like I was a necessary component.

Here...I'm just.. I don't know. I'm working on the system. I'm maintaining and modifying a massive monstrocity. Talking to myself about it last night, I made the reference to the Kicksey-Winsey. I'm like a dwarf of Arianus, working on the Kicksey-Winsey. All the other dwarves work tirelessly on the thing...never quite understanding how it works, or why...but knowing exactly what has to be done to make it do what it must, and doing that without question. ...but I'm Limbeck. I'm questioning everything...but I'm not getting answers, and am therefore unfulfilled. Y'see? lol

I dunno. I think I just want a job where the changes I make matter. A job where the work I do makes a difference in one way or another. I want to be able to tell when the changes I make are actually doing what they're supposed to...
I think I need a job in software development or something - something more application oriented, I guess. Web development, even... I dunno. Video games. lol...something fun..something I care about...
I don't care about Medicaid >_<; And that makes learning difficult for me because I shut out things I don't care about. I don't hold on to information meaningless to me...and medicaid is all pretty meaningless =P

*sighs*

I think I'll start submitting resumes and stuff in January or something. G'head and finish out the year here, I guess. I really don't want to move again >_<; so something in the area would be really nice..

Of course, with all this talk of the economy being bad or whatever, finding something new that pays as much or more than this does might be difficult… Of course, shit, if I found something that I really really loved, I might take a pay hit. I mean, if I love my job uber much, getting paid a little less wouldn’t kill me.

I dunno - I guess I’ll just see what happens.

Guess I’ll get back to work now before the High Froman wanders by and wonders what I’m doing =P

*waves*

It began as a little multi-dimensional thought…that’s where it always starts, of course. I was thinking in terms of 3 dimensions…our world is supposed to be 3 dimensional - that’s the general consensus. Objects exist 3 dimensionally and we see 3 dimensional objects.

Ah! But that’s the thing - We don’t. We see 2 dimensional objects and infer that the 3rd dimension exists. We look at our world with our eyes..and we see the flat, 2 dimensional picture. We process that picture, in conjunction with other pictures in various angles, and that gives us our perception of depth…of 3 dimensions.

So, I started thinking about how I could go about getting bionic eyes that could let me see in 3 dimensions…but as I thought about it, I realized that the limitation isn’t simply in our eyes. Our inability to see in higher dimensions is rooted in the way light works…the way sight itself works. (I, of course, speak in terms of sight as a human quality of vision…other beings may see or have differing forms of sight…but that’s not what I’m talking about.)

As it is explained, light strikes an object and in one way or another bounces off of that object and into our eyes…which process the light and turn it into vision. I know that’s incredibly simplistic…but the general idea is, we don’t see anything beyond the linear, 2 dimensional stream that is given to us…

Take a cube. You see the cube straight on, and you have a square..2 dimensional. You tilt the cube, and you have an angled cube…we infer depth…we see that it has more sides…but we don’t see the WHOLE OBJECT. We only see the 2 dimensions before us…So, to truly see the full 3 dimensional object, we would have to SEE the whole object…at once.

A little mind boggling, hu? …yeah..it’s hard to process…that was my problem. How could one possibly see the whole object, at once…to see the whole object at once and process it completely in the brain.

Then I began to realize….sight limits us. We see only what we see..and because of that we can’t see anything that we can’t see…..
I know that was a little circular…rambly..but think about it. We can’t process these things because we can’t firmly understand the idea…it’s hard to put into perspective because there’s no precedent to compare it to.

So, how do you “see” the whole object. How do you “see” in 3d?
And in my discussions with people (read: insane ramblings), the idea of sound came to me. Sound. Don’t -see- an object. Hear it. Or, rather, alter the way the processing in the brain takes sound…such that you can visualize the sound. And attune your hearing to such acuteness that you can literally hear/see the vibrations of the molecules of an object. …

*shrugs* I dunno…just thought it was an interesting thought…

ANYWHO - Life’s the same. Job’s the same (writing at work now cause the dev system went down..). I saw Evil Dead: The Musical on Friday…it was horrible lol but it was entertaining…so I dunno.

Next week is WotLK release! OMFG! So excited!! Can’t wait! =|
…Mm…Guess that’s all, cause I’ve nothing else to say lol

*waves* Laterz

Oh, wait, no..no it’s boring.

Of course, in the interim, I got to sit around and research Death and the Meaning of Life. One of the things I concluded about the meaning of life is that the pursuit of the meaning is something that people do when they’re dissatisfied with their current state of affairs as a way to help them alter their perception of their state such that they ARE satisified with their state.

It doesn’t change anything about things being how they are…it simply makes it easier for people to accept the way things are because they have a reason for it to be that way…and I thought that was kind of interesting.

Then I started to wonder if I’d be a happier/better person if I just chose a religion or belief system or something and just followed its teachings. Maybe I could artificially create for myself a purpose…or a meaning (since, as is posited above, all meaning would inherently be artificially created). Then, maybe, I’d be something better….or something.

I dunno *shrugs* It was random bored at work thoughts. lol

And now I’m just waiting patiently for 4…one more hour. Guh. I can’t come fast enough, imo.

I still have no good idea about a “purpose” for my blog…about as much as I have about a purpose for myself lol =P

…and…I guess that’s all. lawl =x
*waves* laterz

Nothing new to really post about, either.

Saturday I went and saw Avenue Q. It was so great!..and, as with every year’s performance that I seem to see in the fall, I found myself remembering that I adore live performance and deciding to see more of it.

I almost bought tickets this morning to Pirates of Penzance…but it’s not going to be here until March, so I think I’ll just wait =x And, of course, I’ve been keeping my eye on the ticket sales for Wicked in June. I got an email from the eClub (through which I got my Avenue Q tix) offering Wicked tickets for Louisville in January =O. I thought about it….it’s only like 2 hours from here - it’d be like driving to TPAC from Pikeville…and it’s totally worth it…but…I mean, a few months later it’s going to be, likely, the same cast who I can see simply by walking across the street… that’s just so much cooler =x

I’m considering seeing Into The Woods at University of Indiana this weekend…but I’m concerned, a little, because it’s a college theatre department…and, well…I still have nightmares about MTSU’s theatre department productions. It was one thing to get in for free to see their shitty productions…but to pay $10 per ticket to get into a production and have it be shitty..I’d hate to waste the money. At the same time, I think…well..I’ll never know if they suck if I don’t see them at least once, y’know? *shrugs*
I guess I could ask someone about the quality of the productions..lol *Shrugs* eh.. I’ll see what happens, I guess.

Additionally, Evil Dead: The Musical is playing downtown between now and November somethingorotherith..and I totally intend to see that lol. GREAT Halloween-y fun.

So that’s pretty much that.

Yesterday (or maybe Monday) I found myself researching the Tower of Babel. Tim and I got into a conversation (…I guess you could call it that o_O lol) that started with me training to be an assassin, and ended somewhere with the world being conquered by extra terrestrial robot overlords. x_O That’s our conversations, though… lol

Anyway, at one point it swung to the idea of languages and stuff..and my views on it being common courtesy to speak the language of the area…etc…and then we started talking about universal languages…and I wondered about Babel, because I knew of that story.

So, I research it…I read about it…and, in the end, I’m just disgusted…almost outraged. The story of the Tower is as follows, from Genesis 11:1-9

1 And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech.
2 And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there.
3 And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for mortar.
4 And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.
5 And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children built.
6 And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do; and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.
7 Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.
8 So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city.
9 Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the Lord did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.

…Seriously? What the fuck? Seriously? Now, ok, everyone always preaches that the tower was an affront to God and the people of Babel were sinners and that’s why the tower was destroyed or something…but, dude. Read the fucking passage.

“Let’s build a city and a really tall tower, and we can be a people and not get scattered around the world!”

and God comes in and goes, fucking LITERALLY, “Oh, look, the people are united as one and have one language. Their potential is unlimited - they can do anything they put their minds to. …can’t have that…Let’s go fuck with them!”

…

SERIOUSLY? If you believe absolutely in the stories of the Bible as truth, how could you SERIOUSLY look at the actions of such a being and think “I want to worship and praise out of love and devotion for He that loves me”? Are you telling me that people actually think that they should worship such a douche?

Now, maybe it’s taken out of context - Maybe there’s more to the city or the tower. I also read that the King, Nimrod, was some sort of tyrant? …of course, several times I read that his name only appears once in the book…
And then there was this part about how it was a mandate that God told the people to spread out and stuff on the earth..and that he destroyed the tower and broke up the people because that was what he wanted and they weren’t obeying…so, in that way, I can sort of see how it’s like punishment..

But dude, seriously, fuck…even then… it can basically be said that everything that’s ever happened - War, terror, disagreements with other people…slavery due to “difference”…all that bad crap that’s gone down. It’s all God’s fault.. It’s like…everything could be fine, but he had to go screw things up.

*shrugs* I dunno. It just seriously annoyed me. It annoyed me the idea of a being with such epically phenomenal cosmic power would waste it screwing shit up just to be a dick…it annoyed me the idea of the THRONGS of people who mindlessly throw themselves before such a supercosmic asshat…it just all around bothered me.

It also intrigues me…God..this deity…millions upon millions sing the priases of a deity of Good…and then, it turns out, God’s actually Neutral Evil…lol Out to get what he wants, and will do what he wants to get what he wants, regardless…

Anyway, that was my thought from yesterday.

…and TODAY, well..sitting around with nothing to do at work (as usual)…waiting for the day to end. I really need to do something more productive with this Blog. Something with a purpose…I could do a tri-weekly column about something. I dunno. I still haven’t gotten any terribly good ideas. Gaming…WoW….I dunno. =|

*shrugs* Anyway, I guess that’ll be it for me…running out of things to say =O lol

*waves* Later Dayz

I got dressed and started to walk to the door and thought “Is this my life? This is what I’m going to be doing forever?” I wake up ridiculously early and go to a place I don’t much care for to do stuff that’s not overly interesting for the greater part of my day. Granted, when you put it into perspective, I’ve been doing that for about 25 years now… Elementary School…High School…College. But now it’s a little different. While school offered a variance of stimulation (new classes, new teachers, new students), this is…static. I go to the same office, sit in the same cubicle, stare at the same computer, listening to the same music, and wishing I was the same not here.

This is not new - people have been hating their jobs for centuries. Television networks and movie studios alike have made billions of dollars from the premise. I just…felt it this morning. And I knew I would. I always grow out of my surroundings like that. I get bored with the monotony very quickly because I can see the pattern of it and see into the future of it.

And it’s not as if I’m thinking there’s just something else I’d rather be doing. Frankly, I’m sure no matter what I do I’d become bored quickly at the repetative nature of it all… Honestly, I just don’t want to have to do anything.
I just want the freedom to do as I will, when I will…
I want to no longer have my actions dictated or restricted by money.

…basically, I’m tired of waking up early…

Been working on projects, which is good…but I’m still dealing with MAR (…) and waiting for other people to do stuff. Nothing incredible to report…I’m only writing something because I’m bored waiting on people (quelle surprise) and want to look busy. Only 2 more hours, though, then I can go home.

I don’t recall if I mentioned this before…I think I might have…I dunno.
Anyway, I’ve been pondering/considering making this actually something of a meaningful blog. Like…not just my useless discussions about useless nothing that goes on in my life. Maybe I could come up with something of a purpose. Perhaps, posting my opinions on news articles and stuff.

Or, since I play WoW so much, maybe make something of a character diary…and discuss how I feel about the classes I play and the mechanic changes/discussions.
That could definitely be fun - and might actually give people a reason to read or something.

That’s been my consideration. I’ve thought about it…but I’m not really sure what to go with.

I guess I could just have opinion pieces… overall opinion pieces on whatever catches my eye. I’ve done opinion pieces before - They’re usually fun… =P

Iono. I guess I’ll keep thinking on it.
If anyone happens across this and has any ideas, feel free to leave a comment or something. =x

Anyway…Laterz *waves*

Everyone: “OMFG, we have so much work that needs done =O …Paul, Anne? Where do you stand?”
Anne: “Not yet.”
Paul: “Soon.”

It’s like dealing with Blizzard. “When will X be done?” “Soon.”
Of course, that said, WotLK has an official release date =O November 13th! Woo! And they’ve announced the CE…and after some constant pinging of the Amazon and Gamestop pages, Gamestop offered a pre-order for the CE…and Gyou and I snagged ours =O

Didn’t do much of anything this weekend. Wanted to play WoW, of course, but the damn beta servers were lagging to all hell, making it completely impossible to play. I ended up watching most of Red Dwarf, though, so that’s pretty cool.
And then Sunday, the Northrend continent server died and didn’t come back for hours. From what I’ve been reading on boards, it’s still not up >_<;

And…that was about it.

I’m currently sitting here “working” on the TANF automation…and waiting for time to go home. How fun this is.. -_-;

All sorts of MAR work that needs done…but I can’t do any of it, yet, cause it’s waiting to be done to by others. *sighs*
Ah well. Only two more hours and I can go home =x

So, because I had nothing to do because I’ve been sitting around waiting for something to do, I decided I wasn’t going to be completely bored. Wednesday, I decided to bring my laptop…which I did…and that was good - unfortunately, I couldn’t get a WiFi connection cause everything’s either locked or the open ones aren’t actually Internet connections.

So, in the end, I installed WoW (for…no good reason…sort of with the intention of playing in future or something…but whatever.)…and that was it. Yesterday, I brought Cleopatra 2525 and some other DVDs…and I watched the rest of them…and that was good. Finished a series. Today, I have Red Dwarf and I’m 6 episodes in.

So, woot. If my job is going to be sitting around watching TV, that’s great… Certainly wish I could get rid of all the guilty feelings from sitting around and watching TV while at work. There’s this constant thought in my head that says that I shouldn’t be doing that…that it’s somehow wrong..or against the rules or something. *shrugs* But, as far as I know, it’s not…I’ve never seen anything that says “Hey, you can’t watch DVDs while at work!”

My biggest concern is what I’m going to put in my TMS for this week. I’ve helped Tim off and on with his little project…but more or less, I’ve not done anything. But I’ve been here…so it counts. It’s been ingrained through years of school - all that matters is that you’re here…not that you do anything…

*sighs* All this frickin’ guilt! …you’d think I was Catholic or something… -_-;

Anyway…there’s a meeting…and I’m gonna go to it. Maybe when I get back I’ll have more thoughts to write in my 2 hours before I get to go home…*shrugs* Could be interesting =o